Friday morning, before what I believed at the time would be the last tide pool walk I'd ever go on, I called the apartments in Santa Fe. I was originally told the wait list was a year to a year and a half, but I found out that where I am on the wait list could have me waiting quite a bit longer... like 5 years longer. I do not foresee wanting to move at 70.
After discussing the situation with Cay, it seems that their talk of moving to Santa Fe has also died down, due to her significant other's ties to his family here in Northern CA.
That all changes things for me significantly.
Yesterday that little tear shaped piece of sea glass on the beach really got to me. There's a bitter-sweetness to staying in CA: more whale watching in April in Monterey Bay, more Dicken's Christmas Fairs, and after Friday's trip to the beach, perhaps more tide pools.
The long and short of it is yes, I'm moving. But I'm moving back to Petaluma. If I'm going to stay in Northern California, I want to be in an apartment that I like, with enough room to breathe. I want to be closer to Cay. And being closer to San Francisco is also a plus.
In the next couple months I'll be renewing all my park memberships (regional and state) as well as starting my California Academy of Sciences membership back up. Spring is here, and I hope to go visit the gardens in Golden Gate Park and explore the Presidio. Next month alone I have almost every weekend booked: Sheep Shearing contest, Cherry Blossom Festival, Whale Watch (for orca!) out of Moss Landing. I have a gym membership, and hope to continue to regain some mobility. I plan on doing a night walk at Armstrong some time in the near future.
I am even considering the possibility of rejoining Stewards of the Coast and Redwoods.
I know that my arthritis and the tendon issues in my foot are never going to just disappear, and that some days will be better than others, but now that I'm not leaning on my walker every day (although there are still those days, especially in the damp weather like today.) I am beginning to feel more hopeful that I can still do some of the things that make me really happy, at least some of the time.
Living with chronic illness and having autoimmune disorders has always been about grabbing the moments when I can, and there may be fewer or different moments these days, but I'm feeling more confident that I can be happy now, and that the point where all I have are photos and memories is still far in the future, and now imminent as it seemed at the beginning of the year.
Key to this are two things:
- changing my mindset about Santa Fe being "home" and reminding myself that Petaluma is "home".
- improving consistency with my gratitude practice.
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