Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Random Thoughts on a pre-dawn Wednesday...

  • Last night I had a dream I had irrefutable evidence of god. I kinda wish I knew what I thought it was... but that's the way dreams work, isn't it? I'm guessing it all comes out of reading some of my old diaries from when I'd abandoned religion, but still trusted that there was a god somewhere looking out for me.

  • The Hole Story: It continues. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Although the water has been on since last Friday, the huge hole in front of the apartment complex which was dug to access the water lines has yet to be filled in.

  • My cats have decided that neither one of them needs a collar. Every time I put their collars on, the other one takes it off them. I've yet to even find Sophie's collar. They drag them away and hide them.

  • I've been working on a large collage piece at school. It's an abstract based on nudibranchs. The only problem is that it really makes me miss living along the ocean.

  • And I've been sketching designs for new collages like crazy. Can't wait to get into Studio Practices next fall so I can start putting these together!

  • Spring has sprung. The weather has turned nice, and I'm thinking more and more of travel and being out in nature. It'll likely be July before we can do anything, between school and moving, we simply don't have the funds. We do, however, have that gift certificate for $250 at the Rosewood Inn Of The Anasazi‎, which I plan on spending on a fabulous birthday dinner at the end of June.

  • I'm a little upset this morning with Geeks Are Sexy. They used to be one of my favorite websites, now so heavily monetized that it interferes with content. The links are ads... there are pop ups in the page, and ads embedded in the post. It's getting darn hard to find the content. These days I just go to the site, search for the word source (with the computer of course) and click that link, and read the content from the original source. And I make a point of NOT going to links or buying from links on sites that are that heavily monetized. I don't mind a FEW ads, but now there are embedded text links as well as all the rest... and that's something I LOATHE.

  • Right now I have pieces from three classes being submitted to the juried art show at the college gallery. There's also a photographer there taking a degree that needs to photograph 2D art for a class project, and one of my friends suggested he photograph my work. I'm kinda flattered, and I hope things keep moving along.
  • Tuesday, April 22, 2014

    Realization Hits

    I went to college with the idea of enhancing my experience in fiber arts at El Rancho de las Golondrinas.

    I continued at college and started a degree program with the idea of supplementing my income by selling my work, and realized that in this economy, functional items (and perhaps jewelry) would sell better than stuff you hang on the wall, and started taking ceramics class.

    And this week I came to a realization.

    You see, I've been struggling to maintain my A average.  Really REALLY struggling.  Sure, a lot of it has to do with taking 4 studio classes at once.  I put in 30 hours a week in class time, and am supposed to do 2 hours of homework for every hour of class work... you do the math.  It's easy enough to see that's too darn many hours!  Two of my classes are really suffering:  Drawing and Micaceous Pottery.

    Yesterday I went in to school, the idea was to spend the entire day wet scraping and sanding my existing pots.  In the end, I spent the day prepping my paintings for the juried competition, packing up unused items in my studio into moving boxes, and starting laying down the basic colors for my next collage piece.   I did sand one cup.  ONE CUP.  or at least the outside of the cup.

    And that's when it hit me:  I like painting and collage better than pottery (something I NEVER expected) and I only like drawing to help me plan out my painting and collage.

    This is one of the pieces I'm submitting for the juried show at the school.  It's one of my favorites of all my paintings.  The second one is one I haven't photographed yet, a still life with tulips and fruit.

    and of course I recently posted some of my collage work.  This one, which is an "extra" I made, is my favorite:

    These are the things I can sit and do peacefully for hours, not feeling like I'm forcing anything, then get up and walk away from when I hit a wall, and WANT to come back to.  I never thought these would become my loves.

    The problem is that these are the very sort of things that are unlikely to sell, because they are purely decorative, unless I make a name for myself.  Making a name for myself isn't terribly likely.  It's rather like being an Oscar winning actress or a star quarterback:  Everyone tells you that you can do it if you put your mind and heart into it, but the odds are heavily stacked against you.

    And I'm a realist.

    Which gets me back to the same question I started with:  What do I hope to accomplish here at college?

    and my only answer, my only GOOD answer, is the improvement of my life.

    The thing is, that comes with education and experience as well as with money.  I just wish I could get a little more of that last as well as the first two!

    BTW, if my art work IS juried into the show, it will expose me to other galleries.  I expect that at least my color theory portfolio, which will be included in it's entirety, will be juried in, and that while that particular item is not for sale, any other pieces I submit would be.

    Monday, April 21, 2014

    For Pity's Sake

    The boxes are piling up around the apartment.   More and more things are disappearing behind cardboard and tape. Yes, there is stress.

    Tay hasn't slept now in over 24 hours.  She's upset about it, but doesn't know what to do. A while ago she took a warm shower and crawled into bed.  She's there staring at the computer screen.  Maybe she'll get a few hours in later today.

    I'm trying to cut her some slack.  She's reclusive, sharp tongued.  She finally managed to clean her room and do her laundry, something I count as a major win for her at this point.

    Every time I cut her some slack, that means I have to take up something else.  I'm also under stress: the end of the school year, the move, and my allergies, as well as her behaviors, have be exhausted and a little sick.  There's no doubt that I'm out of remission at this point.  I've been running a low grade fever for days.  My time in the pool is my only relief from the joint pain.  And I'm feeling more and more rheumatoid nodules forming on my wrists, arms, elbows, and feet.   The nodules are pretty much harmless, but are indicative of a larger problem.

    I'm a big one on not begrudging paying the piper.  I struggle at times with what I'm doing and why, but also know that if I'm out there living life to it's fullest, if I'm struggling with moving to a better place (either literally or metaphorically) then I'm often adding to the triggers for my Lupus.  But I'm moving FORWARD, not laying stagnant, with a big case of woe is me.

    I am acutely aware that these are my choices.   I'm also acutely aware that they are not Tay's choices... which is another reason Tay should be out on her own.  She needs a place to feel grounded.  A place she won't need to move from.  In many ways she needs that darn ferret that's causing me so much allergic grief.  And she needs an unchanging stability.

    Just the simple act of my bringing my art supplies home and setting the dining space up as a studio sets her in a tailspin. The move is a huge deal for her.  And while she says she wants to move out, she seldom checks her place in line for her housing grant, and shows little interest in where she wants to live and accumulating things that will help her live on her own.  I actually noticed that she's seemed to relax into the idea that she may be living with me for another half decade... something I am struggling with... or against.

    Today I push through, move on.  It's summer registration day at the college.  I have no idea whether Tay will actually register for classes.  There is one class offered where the goal of the class is to review video games.  Not a bad class for Tay:  play a game for a week, then review it.

    I'm hoping that once we get settled into the new place, she'll bounce back a little, and that being back in school, especially in a class she's likely to have a great deal of success in, will help restore her self confidence and happiness.