But in between and right now, there are those days when I do "nothing". Of course, those are the days I'm dusting and vacuuming and moving furniture... when I'm writing my budget and my shopping lists and scouring Craigslist and Facebook Marketplace and Next Door for things I can get cheaper or free.
But there are, very recently, days where I stay home and just enjoy my home. Yesterday I looked up from my computer and felt a feeling of "rightness", a feeling that's usually reserved for being near the ocean, or in the redwoods. It was a nice feeling to be able to simply love being home. It's a feeling I've been, up 'til now, having difficulty cultivating.
When I first came back to Petaluma, I did have some intense feelings of gratitude for this apartment. In time, that feeling kind of wore off, and I settled into "this is the space I'm struggling to make into all things", which is my somewhat normal approach to my living space. And really, when you feel like you're constantly struggling with a space, how do you really feel at home in it?
I hope that "stopping the struggle" is a permanent change for me. It is part of my new mindfulness practice, and one that's made a change in my sleep pattern, and is starting to change my eating habits as well.
Today I'm doing "nothing". That is to say that yes, I'm going grocery shopping, and I'm even picking up an item I saw in a "Buy Nothing" page online, but most of what I'm going to do today involves some books I got from the library, some coffee in my favorite mug, and just sitting in my space.
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