Somebody hand me a spoon!

If you're new to this blog, you may want to read about the Spoon Theory before you read this post. 

These last few days have been rough.  I was actually relieved today when Cay was called into work, and we had to cancel our hike for the day, which was going to involve some effort in making our way over coastal rocks. It's a trip I've been wanting to take for weeks, but the stress of the previous weeks caught up with me, and I realized I've simply run out of spoons. 

Chronic illness due to autoimmune disorders is one thing, but the long term fallout from my bariatric surgery, which includes things they never tell you about, like hyperoxaluria... which is the root of this week's problem: kidney pain and intestinal symptoms.

This week's one-two punch has left me pretty ragged, and making me reconsider a lot of what I've been doing these days, both in terms of job hunting and my volunteer work, as if the rising gas prices weren't enough.

Today we'd planned to go to Miwok Beach and Shell Beach.  This was especially important to me, because Miwok Beach is the site of some of the upcoming tidepool programs which I've volunteered for.  I wanted to make sure that I could navigate the location before going there.  

Now I'm torn between trying again on Friday, or taking a less challenging walk around Spring Lake in an attempt to just get out in the fresh air and get moving again.  

One of the things I've learned about chronic fatigue due to autoimmune disorders is that if I stay down to long, it's really difficult to get back up again.  I need to push a little to keep strong and to keep flexible, and that sometimes means risking making things worse.  At the same time, I know I also need to push a little to do the things that bring me joy:  tide pooling, hiking, whale watching... and that sometimes I also need to rest for a few days if I've pushed to hard.  I talk about living on borrowed spoons at times.  I live in a constant utensil drawer paradox. 

Right now, my spoons are pretty low in number.  Going to the store to pick up a box of protein bars pretty much wiped  me out for the evening, and now the dog needs to go for a walk.  I'm gonna need more spoons.