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Yesterday was rough for me. I'm really struggling with masking my current emotional state in social situations. I'm coming off as abrasive when I'm trying to be engaged. Part of me just wants alone time, but also recognizes that being alone right now sets me on a downward spiral.

I don't like being vulnerable. I tend to be the person everyone looks toward to keep things together. Right now my stress levels are through the roof, but I also know that some of this will be fixed with time, some of this will be fixed with effort (which I'm struggling to find the energy to put in) and some of it will never be fixed and I have to find a way to live with my new baseline.

Most days I just think "I just have to make it through one more day" and I feel like I'm just waiting it out for the next, until that day comes, and I have to repeat the same cycle over again. "One day at a time". Some days I have these wonderful moments of joy (Usually when I'm out in nature) but increasing physical limitations make the way I usually engage in nature more and more difficult. I have some fun photos from Tuesday's trip along the Sonoma Coast State Park, including some things that were on my bucket list to see. I just don't have the energy to post them today. Instead, today is a day of have to dos which also overlap with social engagement, and right now I feel like I'm already struggling trying to hold together the cracks in my social mask before it all even starts. I think a lot of us are struggling with one thing or another these days. It may not be chronic illness, it may be financial woes, protest fatigue, outrage exhaustion, or just being in constant danger from the changes in our society and political environment. It may be a combination of all of the above, or some other factors. I think, however, that it's important to acknowledge at times that we are not OK, and that it's understandable that we're not OK, and that in a situation which is difficult, it's normal to be not OK. Today I am not OK.