This is going to be one of those posts that covers a lot of ground. I should probably have broken it down into three smaller posts, but here goes anyway:
Went out whale watching on the Tradition out of San Pedro. That boat wasn't available last year, it's a smaller boat, and seems to have an entirely different type of passenger. I'm wondering if the ticket price is lower than the Spirit. It was cold and foggy the first trip, and just cold and wet on the second, but I did get to see a fin whale in the distance just at sunset. The Tradition is very low in the water, which is cool when it comes to being close to the animals, but when the boat is full, I can't get anywhere near the rail up front, so no good looks (or photos) for me!
But it was a fun trip, and I did get some non-cetacean photos, including this one, which is shot in color, but it was so misty, it looks like black and white:
Headed to the UU church today, and found that a lot of the people I was afraid left over the recent problems are coming back or had just taken some time away. I felt a lot more like part of the church today, and talked with a lot of the members, which was a really great feeling. It also makes it less awful for me to be here while I wait for the apartment in Petaluma, and between that, the whale watching, and Cabrillo, I've actually started looking for apartments here in the area again.
Tonight, and plans for the New Year:
Right now I'm feeling kinda down about being alone on New Years Eve again. On the other hand, I'm pretty tired and not terribly interested in going out. I've been thinking about the things I want to change in the New Year, and one of the issues was, as it seems it always is, diet and losing weight. I'd started changing my diet a little, and today had a low blood sugar episode, so I'm not terribly confident. I do have some medical options in my future, and referrals to specialists, so we'll see where this goes.
My biggest resolution is to let go of some of the stress, and get some acceptance. I'm not happy here, and I've really pinpointed a lot of what bothers me: I feel smothered by the density of population here, and all the litter, violence, and poverty that often comes with the urban setting. I want space around me, but I also want a sense of community... I want what I had in Santa Fe.
I knew I was making a trade off when I came here, and since I planned on Petaluma, I figured this was temporary. My big problem is that I've actually started building community here, and am involved in things I love, and moving to Petaluma won't be the emotional no-brainer I thought it would. I've even started looking for better places in the area... out of where I live now, but close enough that I can stay in the church, do whale watches, and volunteer at the aquarium.
I'm not sure where this will all lead, but I want to find some way to do it stress free and with joy, instead of in pain and panic (which is where I go now when I think about where I live)
So my second biggest resolution is to explore my options and find somewhere that I will be able to feel more comfortable, no matter what city it's in, and be happy with my trade-offs.
At this point I have my apartment pretty much how I want it. I'm short a few little things: I want a jewelry box for my pins and earrings. I'd like some swag curtains for the living room for summer. AND... that's about it. Maybe I'll get a shaker bottle for protein drinks. DONE. The only other monthly consumable I want to buy is some Golden acrylic paints so I can do some more painting.
I'm a bit worried about the car. It's leaking coolant again, and I'm afraid if I fix it, that'll be the end of my emergency/ security deposit fund. I recently received my TAP card, which is kinda a reloadable bus pass for all the bus systems around here, something I got because I was afraid this could happen, so if I'm without the car, I may have a lot of difficulty getting to places I want to go, but I still might be able to go to some of them. I'd definitely need a ride home from Tuesday night whale watch meetings, but I may be able to take some buses across city lines in the county to get to at least some of the boats and to the aquarium. I know that the buses to the aquarium are limited, and it'll take me about an hour and a half to get there and an hour and a half back on three buses from where I live.
I'm not sure how I'll get other places, and shopping is going to become a challenge, as well as getting to doctor's offices and back, should the car be "retired".
I was amazingly lucky that one of the rookies canceled their spot on a boat tomorrow, and I'll be on The Indian out of Redondo Beach in the afternoon. We have a pod of killer whales who've jokingly been called the New Year Whales because they tend to show up on New Years Day (although there is no reason for that to happen on that SPECIFIC day) and if there's even the slightest chance of seeing them, I really wanted to be out there. Hopefully I'll be posting some terrific photos tomorrow night or Tuesday morning.